I have noticed that my desire for blogging tends to come in waves. There are simply times in my life when I am too busy, too tired, or too introspective and desire privacy to a degree in which I don’t feel like writing. Then there are times like now. Times in which I am overwhelmed and emotions wash over me without warning. Writing has always been a way for me to process issues that would otherwise consume my thoughts.
It has been over a year since I last wrote and many things have happened in that time. Too much certainly to cover in the confines of this white space before me.
And so, I will simply start from where we are here and now.
After much prayer and consideration, Mike and I decided it was time to attempt Oral Immunotherapy treatment for Logan’s allergies. Our doctor recommended treating egg first because his levels are a little lower than peanut and it would open up a wide variety of dietary options if he managed to make it to maintenance phase. If you have no idea what OIT even entails, I highly recommend this recent article by D Magazine.
My hope through blogging openly and honestly about our OIT journey is mostly selfish: to help filter out the overwhelming emotions so they don’t build up within me. Even more than that though, I would love to allow other allergy moms into our day-to-day life so that if they are ever faced with the decision about participating in OIT, they will feel well informed and possibly even encouraged.
Yesterday was Day 1.
This day, friends? It nearly broke me. I watched as Logan took each escalating dose (19 total) without issue. My heart leapt with joy for small steps of success. My sweet boy made it all the way to the last dose and within minutes he was in anaphylaxis. His peak flows dropped drastically and his BP/HR plummeted. He was given a shot of Epi, steroids, and a breathing treatment. He started to perk up and my heart breathed a sigh of relief.
Within an hour, he had a bi-phasic anaphylactic reaction. Rare from what the nurses told us. His BP was so low, they thought the machine was broken. His lungs were tight and the color left his sweet face. He got another shot of Epi. but his BP wouldn’t come up so they put him flat on his back with his feet up in the air while he took another breathing treatment.
He is finally stable. Thank you, Jesus. Where do we go from here? We have tough decisions to make about continuing treatment. They bumped his dosing for home in half which extends his treatment significantly.
Only a broken, weary allergy mom who knows the risk of NOT treating the food allergy would ever be crazy enough to come back after a day like today.
I am incredibly thankful that He walks before me. I am not alone. He has Logan’s life and future in His hands. I covet your prayers during this time. I certainly felt them today. They enveloped me when the brokenness sought to consume.
We will fight for Logan regardless of what comes our way. I don’t know what OIT will look like in the future for us, but I do know that he is the most incredibly resilient, amazing, BRAVE kid I have ever seen. With each dose, he smiled and said “thank you”…with each shot of Epi he encouraged the nurse that “it didn’t hurt too bad”…and when she asked if he wanted to continue coming he grinned and said “yes!”
I look up to this courageous kid of mine. He teaches me so much every day. And today? He taught me faith in ways I’ve never known.
So as my broken heart re-plays every thing I saw my son go through today, I will simply say Praise Jesus. He is my portion. On days like today when I feel completely empty and forevermore.